These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, “We’ll have to come back here tomorrow!”
The other asks, “But how will we remember where this spot is?”
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, “We’ll just look for this X
tomorrow.”
The other guy says, “You idiot! How do you know we’ll get the same boat?”
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There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service,” announced the pastor.
After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting.
But there was a stranger in their midst — a visitor who had never attended their church before.
“My friend,” said the pastor, “Didn’t you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?”
“Yes,” said the visitor, “and after today’s sermon, I suppose I’m just about as bored as anyone else who
came to this meeting.”
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Dear Brad: I was reading the Women’s Centre newsletter here at U of T and I came across the following ad. Now, I don’t think it’s funny to belong to such an organization, but the specialization it indicates rivals Monty Python’s crazy organizations (e.g. the Humber and District Catholic River-Widener’s Club, the Royal Society for Pushing Sailors into Shops):
April 22-24 If you are a Jewish Lesbian with one or more parents who survived the holocaust, or a partner, join the Jewish Lesbian Daughters of Holocaust Survivors for a weekend in New Hampshire. Workshops discussion and support around the issues we share.
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At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.
The Israeli Consul began, “Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you… …When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even more deserts… The people became thirsty and needed water.
So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts’ content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters.
Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen… And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes.”
Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his seat and screams, “This is a travesty…It’s A lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!”
“And in agreement with Chairman Arafat,” said the Israeli Consul, “let me begin my speech…”
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One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne.
The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me.”
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, “Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you’d have gotten away!”
The second guy answered while still laughing, “I couldn’t help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples.”
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