Short Funny Jokes
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplane rides, but he balked at the $30 tickets.
“Let’s make a deal,” said the pilot. “If you and your wife can ride without making a single sound, I won’t charge you anything. Otherwise you pay the thirty dollars.”
“Good deal!” said the farmer.
So they went for a ride. When they got back the pilot said, “If I hadn’t been there, I never would have believed it. You never made a sound!”
“It wasn’t easy either,” said the farmer “I almost yelled when my wife fell out.”
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What do Skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appetite.
What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
Both have blank expressions and are hollow inside.
Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them.
Why are Vampires Democrats?
They voted for Gore in 2000.
What kind of clothes do Zombies wear?
Decay NY.
Why aren’t there any famous skeletons?
They’re a bunch of no bodies.
What kind of music do Mummies listen to?
Wrap.
What do you call a guy turned on by a witch?
Scared stiff.
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“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are, that there is a chemical plant one block north and a slaughterhouse a block north.”
“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.
“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.” replied the realtor.
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1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
3. I am tired = I am tired.
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage.
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay.
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1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
Tags: silly, comedy, allcrazy jokes, jokes, funny, allcrazy, best
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