Really Funny Jokes
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was a different deputy’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He said, “Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night.”
The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. “Good morning,” he said.
They couldn’t believe it! They said, “Man, what happened?” He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long.”
Tags: humor, silly, funread, funny, entertainment, timewaster, allcrazy
Comments off
Billy was on holiday in America and didn’t speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.
He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some “BUM”. She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, “Oh you must mean gum.”
Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some “FUCK IT”. The fish man thinks and says, “Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)”
Billy shakes his head as YES.
Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, “Could I get a cock and spank it?” The pet store owner says “Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel.”
Billy shakes his head YES.
He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.
When he gets there he askes this guy…
“Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it”
Tags: silly, entertainment, interesting, fun, haha, cool, joke
Comments off
Two guys draw up to traffic lights, one in a Mini and the other in a Rolls Royce. The guy in the Mini winds down his electric windows, not to be outdone the Rolls driver winds his down in reply.
The Mini driver then presses a button to unwind his sun-roof, again the Rolls driver does the same.
Next, the Mini driver presses a button which causes a double bed to appear in the back of his car! The Rolls driver is gob-smacked and watches in disbelief as the Mini drives off from the green light.
Immediately, the Rolls driver goes round to his local garage and asks for the insto-bed to be fitted to his car. The mechanic tells him it will be very expensive. The Rolls driver insists it is fitted and does not care about the cost.
A few weeks later he collects his car with the insto-bed fitted. He spends hours driving around looking for the Mini. Eventually, he finds it parked in a lay-by. It’s windows are all steamed up and the car is rocking.
The Rolls pulls up slowly, and he knocks on the window. After a short pause the Mini drivers’ head pops out.
“What?”, says the Mini driver.
“Watch this!”, says the Rolls driver.
He then depresses the button and smirks proudly as a double bed appears…
To which the Mini driver retorts, “You got me out of the shower to show me that!?”.
Tags: cool, entertainment, awesome, funread, humour, jokes, haha
Comments off
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and _talk_ to me.” He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.
They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there. At seven o’clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!” He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.
He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he _dropped_ the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said:
“Come on guys, we’re almost there!” ?
Tags: fun, amazing, joke, laugh, silly, humour, comedy
Comments off
One day a man was working in a bar and five blondes came in and ordered ten bottles of champagne. They sat down at a table then three more blondes came in.
The eight blondes started up a chant, cheering loudly, “54 days, 54 days, 54 days!”
Soon, two more blondes came in carrying a framed child’s Mickey Mouse jigsaw puzzle. Now the blondes started chanting even louder as they poured the champagne and had a huge celebration.
Finally, dying of curiosity, the bartender walked over and asked what exactly they were celebrating for. “We have just proven that all blondes aren’t dumb. The side of this jigsaws box says 2 to 4 years but we completed it in just 54 days!”
Tags: laugh, joke, best, funny, cool, timewaster, bored
Comments off
« Previous entries ·
