Really Funny Jokes
One day a man was working in a bar and five blondes came in and ordered ten bottles of champagne. They sat down at a table then three more blondes came in.
The eight blondes started up a chant, cheering loudly, “54 days, 54 days, 54 days!”
Soon, two more blondes came in carrying a framed child’s Mickey Mouse jigsaw puzzle. Now the blondes started chanting even louder as they poured the champagne and had a huge celebration.
Finally, dying of curiosity, the bartender walked over and asked what exactly they were celebrating for. “We have just proven that all blondes aren’t dumb. The side of this jigsaws box says 2 to 4 years but we completed it in just 54 days!”
Tags: bored, cool, laugh, funny, timewaster, best, joke
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You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender.
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female because it’s always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
An Hour glass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male, didn’t you? But consider this,-it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
Tags: fun, haha, bored, allcrazy, timewaster, entertainment, cool
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A Polish man moved to the United States and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on their circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don’t think you understand. Doe! s either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean, what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I am always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she is white. Why do you want this divorce? She is going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle at drugstore and put on Shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says “Polish Remover”
Tags: best, haha, humour, silly, amazing, joke, humor
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A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had and affair with his boss’s wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”…..
Just as the priest finished his talk, the republican senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. “I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE!
Tags: amazing, allcrazy, bored, joke, comedy, cool, haha
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The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, “Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?”
This didn’t sound anything like my name, so I asked, “Who is calling?”
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, “Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood.”
I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.
Then I proceeded to tell him that we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me, as I returned to the table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn’t tell her for about fifteen minutes.
My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.
Tags: jokes, allcrazy jokes, bored, cool, timewaster, fun, best
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