Priceless Jokes
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I want to be gorgeous,” and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too.”
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: ” Make em all ugly again.”
Tags: humour, amazing, allcrazy, laugh, best, joke, awesome
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Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can t believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-Love you!”
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks,”Son…what happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M.., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
“So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh THAT!… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
“Leave me alone, lady, I m married!”
>> > >>>Broken furniture - $85.26
>> > >>>Hot Breakfast - $4.20
>> > >>>Red Rose bud -$3.00
>> > >>>Two Aspirins -$.38
>> > >>>Saying the right thing, at the right time………Priceless.
Tags: allcrazy jokes, haha, awesome, allcrazy, joke, silly, humour
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A man gets in a car accident and his penis is completely ripped off, and they can t find it anywhere at the accident scene. The doctors tell him that they cannot find his penis, but they suggest that he undergo a precedure to attach a baby elephants trunk to replace it. They tell him that it will be a good replacement and so the man agrees. They go ahead and do the operation and tell him to keep it bandaged for three weeks. His girlfriend keeps bugging him about going to dinner with her folks so he finally agrees and goes out with them. During dinner his girlfriend keeps rubbing his leg and he feels his crotch getting tighter so he unzips his pants to relive some pressure and BOOM!! the baby trunk pops out, grabs a dinner roll and sucks back into his pants. The family is stunned and the girlfriend is estatic. she says “oh my god, you know how many things we could do with that? do it again.” and the man says “i would but i don t think i could fit another dinner roll in my ass”
Tags: best, humour, amazing, joke, humor, haha, jokes
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A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE African American guy standing next to him. The big guys sees the
little guy staring at him, looks down and says:
“7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 14 inch penis, 1 pound left testicle, 1 pound
right testicle,…Turner Brown.”
The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels
down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says, “What s wrong
with you?” In a weak voice the little guys says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”
The big dude says, “I saw the curious look and figured I d just give you
Tags: bored, amazing, allcrazy, interesting, comedy, humour, laugh
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An Englishman, an Australian and an Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”
The Australian was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
“Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Australian in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.
The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”
“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, The Englishman replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”
“Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave”. The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?” the Sheikh asked.
“Tie the Frenchman to my back.”
Tags: laugh, haha, cool, bored, humor, funread, allcrazy
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