Pirate Jokes
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”
“Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”
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Who was the pirates favorite basketball player?
Kareem Abdul JabAARRRGGGHHH!!!
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook”? “Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”
“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”? “A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?,” the sailor asked incredulously. “Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with my hook”
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A pirate captain walks into a bar with his first mate and they sit down at the bar. Now, the pirate captain has been a little down on his luck in the world of women, know what I mean? His first mate notices some lovely piratical wenches across the bar.
“Arr, cap’n, you should go o’er thar and talk to her, ask her to dance, aye?”
The captain replied “Arrrr, but what about me one eye? What if she makes fun of it?”
“Don’t worry cap’n,” said the first mate. “She only has one leg! She won’t say anything with that one peg leg.”
Convinced, the captain went over and immediately impressed the lady as pirates will do. He asked her if she’d like to dance.
“Would EYE, Would EYE!” she exclaimed.
“Oh yeah? Well… Peg Leg! Peg Leg!” replied the insulted
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Three pirates were sitting in a crows nest at the top of the main sail. The first pirate says to the other two I ll bet you can t spit on captain hooks head. Sure I can says the second pirate “spwaat” and a big luger lands right next to the captain. Not a bad try says the third pirate and he works up a big luggie and spits. It lands on the left sida of the captian but still misses him completely. So the first pirate says you both suck and clams out a huge luger that lands right on the captains head. The captian tells the crew to point the cannon at the crows nest at the top of the main sail. He hears a bunch of yelling and he says fire. They fire off a connon ball and it blows all three pirates out of the nest and into the sea. The captain turns to the rest of the crew and says that will teach the dam seagulls to shit on my head. The first mate says that wasn t a sea gull captain that was three of the crew. The captain turns to the crew and says, I couldn t tell by the way they were squacking when I pointed the cannon at them.
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