Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it?
Nobody.
The first four don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6′ 2, weighs 225 and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6′ 5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
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There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed “Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I’ll loose my car, the house, and everything else.” She doesn’t
win. The next day she prays to God “God! I really really need
your help! I’ll loose my car, the house, and everything else.”
Once again, she doesn’t win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her ” Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!”
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The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
“What brings you before the Great Wizard?”
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.”
“No problem” says the Wizard, “Who is next?”
Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.. Well.. Well.. I need a brain.”
“Done,” says the Wizard. “Who comes next before the Great Wizard?”
Up steps George Bush sadly, “I’m told by the American people that I need a heart.”
“I’ve heard it’s true,” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”
Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?”
“Is Dorothy around?”
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It was Saturday morning as Eric, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his very blonde wife, Cindy, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Eric asks her: “What are you up to?”
Cindy smiles: “I’m going hunting with you!”
Eric, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Eric sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot”.
Eric walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Cindy couldn’t bag an elephant - much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Eric starts running back. As Eric gets closer to her stand, he hears Cindy screaming: “Get away from my deer!”
Confused, Eric races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell: “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire!
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Eric is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says - “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”
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