Little Johnny Jokes

Math Class

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question.

“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left ?”

“None.”,replied Johnny. “’cause the rest would fly away.” “Well, the
answer is four,” said the teacher. “But I like the way you are thinking.”

Little Johnny said, “I have a question for you now. If there
were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking
her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking
her cone, which one is married ?

Well,” said the teacher neverously, “I guess the one sucking the
cone?”

“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her
finger. But I like the way you are thinking.

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The Lone Ranger

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”
“Very good, William,” said the teacher.
“My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther.
“Oh, that’s nice,” replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
“I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.”
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, “And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?”
” It’ll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger.”

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Babies

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child, Little Johnny.

The doctor instructed Little Johnny to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

Little Johnny did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

No sooner had he done this than another baby pops out, than another, and yet another. A puzzled Little Johnny quickly blows out the lamp.

The doctor yells, “What did you do that for?”

“The light’s attracting them!” replied Little Johnny.

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Not Another Word

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of
town all week and said, “Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing
in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the
lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and
then Daddy got on top of her and -”

The mother held up her hand and said, “Not another word! Wait until
your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what
you’ve just told me.”

The father comes home and the wife tells him that she’s leaving
him.

“But why?” croaks the husband.

“Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me.”

“Well,” said little Johnny, “I was playing in your closet and Daddy
came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they
got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you
did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob.

Really Funny Jokes