Joke Of The Day
Dear Brad: I was reading the Women’s Centre newsletter here at U of T and I came across the following ad. Now, I don’t think it’s funny to belong to such an organization, but the specialization it indicates rivals Monty Python’s crazy organizations (e.g. the Humber and District Catholic River-Widener’s Club, the Royal Society for Pushing Sailors into Shops):
April 22-24 If you are a Jewish Lesbian with one or more parents who survived the holocaust, or a partner, join the Jewish Lesbian Daughters of Holocaust Survivors for a weekend in New Hampshire. Workshops discussion and support around the issues we share.
Tags: humor, funny, entertainment, silly, amazing, awesome, humour
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While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11′3.”
They got out and measured their rig, which was 12′4.”
“What do you think?” one asked the other.
The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”
Tags: entertainment, allcrazy, allcrazy jokes, funny, comedy, joke, amazing
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My favourite two campus practical jokes:
1. Arrange the light switches in a lavatory and an adjacent room so that flipping one switch also flips the other. Consider the resultant scene (visible from the outside just by watching the windows): the room’s resident retires for the evening, turning off his (or her) light. Some time later, someone else decides to use the head, and turns on the light. After a few minutes, the resident awakes, decides that someone is pulling a fast one, and turns the light off … on the guy (or girl) who is by now seated on the throne! If it works correctly, the two unfortunates end up standing at their respective light switches, with the lights oscillating rapidly (by which time the perpetrators are rolling on the ground outside laughing their heads off).
2. This prank happened a number of years ago. Two guys had been pulling practical jokes on each other for quite a while. Finally, one of them got a pair of rather large (and LOUD) firecrackers, and wired them to light bulb bases with nichrome wire such that applying power would set off the firecrackers. One of the devices was installed in the victim’s room, the other in the perpetrator’s.
That evening, the victim returned to his room, and turned on the light. There was a short delay as the fuse burned, and during that delay the victim (quite naturally) turned to see what was wrong with the light–BLAM! Well, the victim was (quite naturally) upset and flustered and resolved to do some- thing appropriately horrendous to the perpetrator’s room. He went over to the perpetrator’s room, his own counter-prank in hand, went in, and turned on the light. When nothing happened, his reflexes again betrayed him: he looked up at the light–BLAM!
Apparently, the victim never bothered to counter-stack the perpetrator.
Tags: awesome, funread, best, interesting, comedy, laugh, allcrazy jokes
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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now we’ve caught you and we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we’re going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die.”
The Frenchman says, “I take ze sword.” The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, “a pistol for me please.” The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, “God save the queen!” and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork!” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over–the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, “My God, what are you doing?”
And the New Yorker responds, “So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
Tags: joke, fun, cool, entertainment, funny, amazing, haha
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As a midshipman I was assigned to a cruiser one summer. There was a boatswain’s mate, happened to be black, named Johnny Johnson in the first division and he stood watches in-port on the quarterdeck and on the bridge at sea. Some of his announcements on the 1MC (general announcement PA system) were classics —
In port, tied up to a pier in New York City:
“Now sweepahs sweepahs start your brooms. Sweep down all lower decks, ladders, and passageways. Empty all shit cans ovah da fantail.”
A very pregnant pause
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all shit cans on da pier!”
Another pause, now he’s obviously reading something written by the OOD.
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all trash _receptacles_ into the _containers_ provided on the pier.”
This was a different day but he was piping “general visiting”
“Now all hands rig for genrahl visitin! All hands is reminded to watch der language, we got cunt aboard.”
Tags: silly, bored, jokes, funread, cool, best, laugh
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