Joke Of The Day
My favourite two campus practical jokes:
1. Arrange the light switches in a lavatory and an adjacent room so that flipping one switch also flips the other. Consider the resultant scene (visible from the outside just by watching the windows): the room’s resident retires for the evening, turning off his (or her) light. Some time later, someone else decides to use the head, and turns on the light. After a few minutes, the resident awakes, decides that someone is pulling a fast one, and turns the light off … on the guy (or girl) who is by now seated on the throne! If it works correctly, the two unfortunates end up standing at their respective light switches, with the lights oscillating rapidly (by which time the perpetrators are rolling on the ground outside laughing their heads off).
2. This prank happened a number of years ago. Two guys had been pulling practical jokes on each other for quite a while. Finally, one of them got a pair of rather large (and LOUD) firecrackers, and wired them to light bulb bases with nichrome wire such that applying power would set off the firecrackers. One of the devices was installed in the victim’s room, the other in the perpetrator’s.
That evening, the victim returned to his room, and turned on the light. There was a short delay as the fuse burned, and during that delay the victim (quite naturally) turned to see what was wrong with the light–BLAM! Well, the victim was (quite naturally) upset and flustered and resolved to do some- thing appropriately horrendous to the perpetrator’s room. He went over to the perpetrator’s room, his own counter-prank in hand, went in, and turned on the light. When nothing happened, his reflexes again betrayed him: he looked up at the light–BLAM!
Apparently, the victim never bothered to counter-stack the perpetrator.
Tags: comedy, best, allcrazy jokes, funread, laugh, interesting, awesome
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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now we’ve caught you and we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we’re going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die.”
The Frenchman says, “I take ze sword.” The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, “a pistol for me please.” The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, “God save the queen!” and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork!” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over–the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, “My God, what are you doing?”
And the New Yorker responds, “So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
Tags: entertainment, joke, funny, cool, haha, fun, amazing
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As a midshipman I was assigned to a cruiser one summer. There was a boatswain’s mate, happened to be black, named Johnny Johnson in the first division and he stood watches in-port on the quarterdeck and on the bridge at sea. Some of his announcements on the 1MC (general announcement PA system) were classics —
In port, tied up to a pier in New York City:
“Now sweepahs sweepahs start your brooms. Sweep down all lower decks, ladders, and passageways. Empty all shit cans ovah da fantail.”
A very pregnant pause
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all shit cans on da pier!”
Another pause, now he’s obviously reading something written by the OOD.
“Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all trash _receptacles_ into the _containers_ provided on the pier.”
This was a different day but he was piping “general visiting”
“Now all hands rig for genrahl visitin! All hands is reminded to watch der language, we got cunt aboard.”
Tags: best, funread, cool, bored, jokes, silly, laugh
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A guy and his manager go down to the docks. The manager is betting every longshoreman he sees that his guy can screw and satisfy 100 women in a row, without pausing. Bets are made and they agree that they’ll meet the next day.
The next day, 100 women are lined up along the dock and the guy drops his pants and starts. True to his word, he moves from one to the next, satisfying each one without pausing: 1.. 2.. 3.. on and on he goes: 49.. 50.. 51.. He slows down somewhat: 83….. 84….. 85…….. but he is still moving from one to the next and the women are still satisfied: 97………… 98…………. 99……………. and before he can get to the last woman he has a heart attack and dies.
The manager scratches his head and says, “I don’t understand it! It went perfectly at practice this morning!”
Tags: humour, cool, humor, fun, interesting, jokes, comedy
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One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.
He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!”
Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies.
“I’ll take those mirrors out right away!”
Tags: awesome, humor, timewaster, silly, jokes, fun, amazing
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