Clean Religious Joke
One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter stopped him and asked if he could watch the gates whilst he went to the loo. Jesus agreed and began letting people in. After a few minutes he saw a stooped old man approaching. He was so old that he could barely walk, and his white beard ran down to the floor. When Jesus asked if he could help, the old man advised him in a shaky voice that he was looking for his son. Jesus wanted to help but didn’t think he could as there were millions of people there. “I know I can identify him very easily by the holes in his hands and feet,” said the old man. Jesus stares curiously at the wisened figure before him, “Father…?” he asked. The old man looks at Jesus and says, “Pinocchio…?”
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A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City.”
St. Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn.
He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years.”
St Peter consults his list.
He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”
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A 75-year-old man goes to confession and tells the priest, “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had sex last night with two 20-year-old girls and I had sex with each one three times.”
The priest says, “How long has it been since your last confession.”
The man says, “I have never been to confession, I am Jewish.”
“So why are you telling me?” asked the prist.
The man says, “I’m telling everybody.”
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A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over Bloomingdales.
“Why Bloomingdales?” asked the rabbi.
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”
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1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah….
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith…..
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
I could go on and on, but as the guy said who had his butt shot off, “there is no end to this”.
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