Tom was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.
“Tom!! Tom!! Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?”
Tom put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, “How about two minutes of silence?”
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Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.
He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades…somebody is going to get a spanking!”
Tags: humour, entertainment, comedy, allcrazy, jokes, best, allcrazy jokes
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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long been known about the
town, and on this very special occasion, a local newspaper
reporter paid them a visit.
He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
“Well”…explained the husband…”it all goes all the way back to
our honeymoon, you see, we visited the Grand Canyon and we
took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.”
He continues…”well now, we hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s
mule stumbled, she quietly said…that’s once.”
“We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again and
my wife quietly spoke…that’s twice.”
“You know, that mule hadn’t gone a half-mile when it stumbled a
third time.”
My wife promptly removed a gun from her purse, hopped off the
beast, and shot the mule dead.”
“I protested over her treatment of the mule, she slowly turned to
me and quietly said…that’s once.”
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A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I want to be gorgeous,” and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too.”
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: ” Make em all ugly again.”
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George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush Jr., are on board a small two seater plane when suddenly George Senior, the pilot, parachutes out of the plane. Not knowing how to fly a plane, National Guard Service or not, George, Jr. grabs the radio.
“Mayday, mayday! My Dad just jumped out of the plane!”
Ground control receives the call for help and answers back:
“Your dad?”
“He left me here! Took the parachute!”
“Sir, your dad?”
“He’s the pilot! Gosh!”
“Okay, don’t worry, sir. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.”
“I’m over six feet and sitting in the front!”
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