A young boy went to his father and asked, “Dad, what’s the difference between theory and reality?”
“Well, son, the best way to explain this is a practical exercise. Go ask your Mom if she’d sleep with a stranger a million dollars and come tell me her answer.”
The boy returned and said, ” She said she would, Dad.” “OK,” replied the father, “Go ask your sister the same question.”
The boy returned and said that his sister also answered yes to the question and then asked his Dad, “What’s this got to do with theory and reality?”
“It’s simple, son. In theory, we live with millionaires. In reality, we live with a couple of sluts.”
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God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf up in heaven. On the first tee, JB leads off and hits a big blast right down the gut; it rolls to a stop about 270 yards out, perfect lie. Jesus steps up next and kills the ball, sending it about 300 yards straight away, perfect lie.
God steps up and waggles and wiggles and then badly hooks his ball into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak is struck by lightning and splits, one half falling into the path of the oncoming ball and knocking it into the fairway. As it comes to a rest, a bare 50 yards out, a squirrel darts out of the woods on the other side and grabs the ball and takes off towards the left-side woods. Before he gets in, an eagle swoops down and grabs the squirrel, carrying it aloft down the fairway. Just as it passes over the green, the eagle is pelted by hailstones, whereupon it drops the squirrel (still clutching the ball) onto the green about three feet from the hole. Dazed, the squirrel spits the ball out where it rolls up and stops on the lip of the cup. Suddenly there is an earthquake! The ball drops in… hole in one!
Jesus stares at John the Baptist with a pissed look, then turns to God and says: Dad? We gonna play golf, or are you just gonna mess around?
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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”
“The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’”
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question.
“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left ?”
“None.”,replied Johnny. “’cause the rest would fly away.” “Well, the
answer is four,” said the teacher. “But I like the way you are thinking.”
Little Johnny said, “I have a question for you now. If there
were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking
her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking
her cone, which one is married ?
Well,” said the teacher neverously, “I guess the one sucking the
cone?”
“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her
finger. But I like the way you are thinking.
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A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike.
“Nice bike” the cop said “did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yep,” the little girl said, “he sure did!”
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yes, he sure did,” chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”
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